Me VS. These Damned Insecurities

I believe the downfall is upon myself...due to the insecurity
It crept up like a wave
no time to run
no time to hide
I've become it's slave
the jealousy, the rage, the raw emotion.none of it premeditated, but often underestimated.
The fact I've come back each time open.
no more after tonight.
I want so badly to stay but for what
the touch that puts me at ease, the presence that comforts my soul or the warmth of the smile, maybe even the flow of the convo.
All downstream from now, i've left a piece of me with you in which you probably don't deserve and while you sit pondering , you ease around mingling, not a second glance back.
some would say no better for me, while others can be sympathetic, when really, the truth of the matter is. . .I should have kept that last wall up, rather than granting you access and knocking it down.
Forget about you being uncomfortable because of my "wall" now my dear, you shall fall as well
fall right into the category with the other. . yes, the other. Not others, Don't worry old friend, I no longer hold grudges, for it decreases my quality of life. I'll just pick up and go, I've learned its for the best. There is no need to stay but a minute more, and that's just for the assurance that you'll see me walk right out of your door.
This isn't a reflection of anything present, but came from a past experience. . .